With all I have been going through as of late I have been pretty de-motivated in regards to my training and especially my diet. I have just been like what is the point really. My training has been autopilot for the most part to be honest.

 I have been thinking about ways to get a new mind set going. Now of course before this really takes place I must get through my legal issues but I have decided to try not to stress. (Easier said than done trust me!) And to take one day at a time because I cannot effect what is going on so why freak about it and ruin the good times and good things I have going in the right here right now. But what I have decided for the future is (I cannot believe these words are coming from me!) I want to compete natty!

 I do not mean to say I want to compete in tested shows…not at all. I think that is totally unfair as I have 20 years of gear and going against someone who is pure would not feel right to me. I mean I want to do non-tested shown natty. Not sure if it would be nationals such as masters or not but state and regional for sure.

 I am excited at the prospect of it! The challenge is enormous. The level of exactness is intimidating. Can I do it? I do not know but to be honest the last few years of competing have lost something for me and I think it is the fact that I pretty much know how it will go. This year I was excited having identified my whey allergy, which really hurt my prep and look last year and I think my look would have showed the difference but I still knew the basic protocol. I was excited to be working with Jason Theobold as this was my first time with a diet coach since breaking with Beverly.

 I will be even more dependent on Jason now because with gear you have a lot more leeway. Doing this strait up natural is a whole new ball game. I will see about prescribed HRT but beyond that I will be solely OTC supps which I have to say as I come up on 12 weeks clean I am still thumping along so I am thinking it must be the supplements as I am still 220# with abs and still doing 225# X 25 reps on incline. Still doing 20 chins and stacking all the machines in my gym and I still have good wood!

  The funny part is I used to say that natty BBing was like watching gasoline free drag racing…not real exciting! Looks like I will be eating my words! I can admit if I was an asshole about something and I guess I was. For that I apologize. Sorry!

 I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life and in my competitive book of stories. I have not prepped for a show natural since 1992! Will I be a pathetic bag of atrophy? Shit I hope not but it is a possibility! It will be a mental challenge to be sure. I will have to rely on others to evaluate me, as I am sure my personal perception will be whacked out totally! I really look forward to this! It will be totally new and different!

 I must say with the turn of events in my life I am glad that there has been good headway made in the OTC bodybuilding supplement area! Back when I started really training in …shoot 1981 and joined my first gym in 1983 the supplement industry really was snake oil. Does anyone remember Smilax!? It was an alcohol carrier of a “refined” wild Mexican yam. Tasted like shit! Burned like hell too! The idea I think was as AAS is derived from the wild Mexican yam, consuming the product sublingually would produce similar results. Problem is there is a hellava lot of a chemical change made to the raw material between yam and steroid! I bet you I used 100 of these 2.5 ounce bottles! And I am pretty damn sure it did not do anything!  Gamma Oryzanol was another….made a resurfacing a few years back. I don’t think it does much for growth but it does help with health issues. And the proteins were so bad back then it was all you could do to drink them…I remember one in particular…IRONMAN PROTEIN. So insoluble you had to swirl the cup around as you drank it to keep it from settling to the bottom! Disgusting!

 Andro came next! Made famous by Mark McQuire. While I do think it had anabolic effect it was quickly turned to estrogen, which is why we all broke out so much from it!

 After that they really started making headway in the Pro hormone arena. Unfortunately this caught the eye of Big Brother who for some unknown reason does not want you to be big. They say it is to keep sports fair but 99% of those that take these supps or Steroids for that matter do not compete in sport and its all for cosmetic purposes. You can get pectoral implants but you cannot take this supplement…damn cheater you!

 I am currently taking a plethora of OTC supps! Unleashed, Post Cycle, HCGenerate, Need2slin, Attack, Lipoflame and Adderlin.  I use liquid Egg white for protein as I developed a Whey protein allergy. I use Physical-Sciences liquid vitamin for health.  My diet has been crappy as of late as I am stressed and kinda don’t care a whole lot but it is starting to bug me now a bit so I think I am going to get back in the swing of things.

 Depending what happens with my legal stuff and provided I am out and about I may go at it natty next year…never thought I would say that but given I am still doing my benchmark 225×25 on incline. I am still 220# and I still have all six abs after 10 weeks off I may actually give it a go next year.

 As for the subject of the article, I really do not know a whole hell of a lot about OTC supps as I was always on the DARK SIDE!  Are they working or is the gear still working or maybe it is just 30-year-old muscle. Who the hell knows? I guess time will tell a multitude of things to come. Will I be free…will I physically deteriorate?  I don’t know. But I do know I will find all this out!

 With all the recent events in my life I am having some motivational issues with training but especially diet. While I am holding my own for the most part physique wise, for example I am still over 220# I can still see all my abs. (just not as well)  I am still strong in all my exercises. It is just hard to push myself.

 This is a VERY foreign felling for me. I mean 30 years I have been training. I do not miss workouts even when sick if I can get through it. But right now I just don’t care that much. I think about training and I want to say fuck it. A part of me is like “WTF are you saying!” “What do you mean fuck it!?” I mean fuck it! I feel like what’s the point of going through the pain. My joints hurt and I am tired. 30 years is a long time. And with all the unknowns in front of me it is quite daunting to be honest. Not sure what to get drive from and after 30 years you need a goal trust me.

 The diet part is very hard for me. Number one because I can stay pretty lean regardless. Number two, I tend not to diet off-season anyway and this may be a verrrry long off-season. I just do not know what direction to go I guess.

 I fight anxiety everyday all day. I would not say I am depressed just because it is not really in me to do so but this may also be androgen related to some degree. Not really sure because I have never gone through it.  I suppose time will tell on that but my libido is good still so who knows.

 I am not crying about anything here I am just venting I suppose. Hope you all do not mind me venting here! I am sure I will get back on track as soon as I know what’s going to happen. Not that I am missing any workouts but the workouts are not say video worthy by any means! Good part about old muscle is you don’t need to kill it to maintain it! Thank God for that! I do need to not be eating 4 Reese’s Big Cups at once like I did last night though that much is for certain!

 I will come out of this stronger and better with even more temper to my metal! My dad said to me a long time ago “They can kill ya son but they can’t eat ya! That would be against God’s law!” Well they will not kill me either!

The Internet make believe been there done that’s in bodybuilding…

 After years on bodybuilding Internet discussion boards I have to chime in and talk about the phenomenon of Internet know it alls.

The cool and un-cool thing about the Internet is allows people anonymity.

  The cool part is they can go out and learn about things at their own pace, ask questions…become more knowledgeable. They can empower themselves and not be judged or have others even know that they are doing it.

 The un-cool part is they can be know it all assholes to people who have accomplished things they never have and not REALLY be called to the carpet for it. Sure people will ride their asses for it on the boards…give them bad Rep or Karma but that does nothing really which is obvious as they do not stop doing it.

 It is comical to me that the people who do this never put up any proof to what they are saying are true whatsoever. They slam on people whose accomplishments are just Google clicks away! They even say they saw these accomplishments and still slam on the person. If you Googled this person name, all that you get is people with the same name that HAVE accomplished something. Reminds me of the movie Wanted when he types his name in and  “no matches finding your search criteria found” came up on the screen. I can imagine that would be a little depressing!  Do they think “I have been alive this long and there is nothing out there about me on any subject” is that what they think? 

 True most of my accomplishments are in BBing.  A trivial expensive pursuit to be sure! True the last several years have been rough competition wise with two torn quad tendons but I do it more to see what I can do than to win now. Another truth is that I own my own gym so I was able to parlay my sport into a living beyond just being a personal trainer. Not that there is anything wrong with being a trainer. Did it for years and years and still make my living doing it.

 But to those who sit behind a keyboard and monitor on BBing discussion boards and slam on people who have been there and done that and have overall and National level trophies that they earned is actually just ludicrous when the person doing the slamming has never stepped on stage.

 In the NPC in order to be a judge you had to have competed. There is a reason for that. They want the person doing the judging to have been there and done it him or herself. How else can a person sit there and be judgmental not knowing what the person they are judging has gone through and suffered to get there. It adds weight to what they are saying is the best physique.

 The Internet knows it all will always be there. Often times they are quite entertaining. Other times they are quite irritating!

The other cool part about the Internet…you can end your irritation simply by clicking your mouse. Goodbye!

On May 4th 2010 when the PP PO knocked my door in I was running somewhere in the area of 3000mg combined gear per week. Obviously they took all my gear so there was no cycling off…no tapering, no PCT. it was just going from a combined dose of 3000mgs of Sust, EQ, NPP, and Proviron to what ever my nuts make. I must say judging by the size of my tiny testes it certainly could not be much if any at all.